Friday, November 19, 2010

November 19 Rooftop article

“The roof at noon”

ROOFTOP -- Do you think it would be helpful to clean your satellite dish? Maybe a little Windex, Krud Kutter, Mop and Glo? Would that be a good thing?

I was sitting here wondering that right before you showed. The dish doesn’t appear dirty, but I did notice a spider web hanging from the protrusion dilly. The little sticking-out part. See? Let me, uh… there the web is gone… ding dong the web is gone.

Did that improve my TV reception? I wonder. I don’t come close to understanding satellite dishes and all the rays that are bombarding us, sound, light, radar, gamma…

I watched Modern Marvels on the History Channel last week. They talked about the 10 greatest innovations of our time. They didn’t bother with the wheel or fire or the bread slicer. Just technical stuff.

One of the top innovations dealt with the television. It covered several items. I just remember the parts about DVRs and movies-on-demand. They actually explained how specific movies come to your house through the air.

Do you have any idea how many movies are bouncing all over the place right now? Nobody does. We’re covered with ‘em. Did you see “Pig Hunt”? I didn’t either. It’s about a giant pig that’s really angry. I don’t care to see it, yet that thing is bouncing off me at this very moment. Giant pig rays. There is nothing about that I like.

The spider that made that web on the dish must be full of movies. If my dish wasn’t so smart, I’d be paying for all of ‘em, too. But, when they arrive, the Dish checks ‘em out. – Hey, he didn’t order “Spring Break Massacre.” I’m not letting you girls in.” I imagine that’s how it works.

Before the Modern Marvels program ended I was practically in tears. Just made me feel completely useless. I know nothing. By the way, the top innovation was the Internet. I was blown away… by the obviousness of it.

If you watch the explanation of how the Internet works, it will give you the brain blurs. A dizzy, lost-in-a-fog sensation. It even made me lose some time. I started watching the explanation Friday evening and the next thing I know it’s Saturday morning. Kay comes down the stairs and says, “Thanks for not waking me up last night when you came to bed.” – “Uh, right. By the way, what year is it?”

But, enough of all that technical stuffs. It’s a beautiful day up here and we need to take full advantage of it. Not a cloud in the sky, just a bit of a breeze and a temperature that’s sitting on warm but leaning towards cool. It’s near noon and it’s pleasant on the roof. You can’t beat a deal like that.

Hear that? No, not the dog. That igmo has been barking since daylight. It’s the jet. I can’t see it, but I can sure hear it. We’re not near enough to an airport for a big jet to be making that much noise. Y’all keep a lookout.

Reminds me of that rocket that went off somewhere in California last week. Had a vapor trail that shot up over the water and headed to the Wherevers. At one point you could see the reflection of the object in flight. However, the military knew nothing about it. No idea. Nothing showed on radar, no reports of a launch, but they weren’t worried. Swamp gas.

They didn’t really mention swamp gas, but that used to be the common excuse. “You say it was cigar shaped, hovered over that building and then lit-out at Mach 8 straight up. Yeah, that sounds like swamp gas.”

It’s enough that we know that the powers that be are not worried about a missile that shot up from nowhere and was invisible to radar. However, they’re patting down 10 percent of all airplane passengers, and subjecting the others to a mystical disrobing ray in search of a pair of Boom of the Looms.

Speaking of flying objects, did you see that grasshopper? Some of you did. That bubba flew straight into the eave. Thump! And then glided in a stagger to the ground. Grasshoppers have big eyes don’t they? Huge things. Yet, that one rams itself right into the roof. I expect that of a June Bug. But, a grasshopper?

Maybe those huge bug eyes on a grasshopper are really its nose. It’s got a dual nose thing working for it. Can’t see squat but smells the daylights out of stuff. Kind of like frogs being able to taste with their feet. I just made that up, ‘cause I couldn’t think of a real animalistic example. Seals bark with their flippers? That one’s too obvious.

Oh, speaking of seals, when we climb down from here we all have to go play on the Jungle Gym. You’ll likely not get many more chances. Kay tells me that this is the year I’m bringing that bubba down. I was supposed to back in ’03, ‘06 and ‘07, but I just wasn’t up to it. This time it’s going to happen. Says Kay. It’s old, it’s big, and it’s dangerous. So, let’s play on it while we can.
The Jungle Gym with my cool niece Maxi on board

Hey, I didn’t say now. I said… Oh, well, it is getting late. All right. Let’s the rest of us climb down and—Well, I see Bob has already hurt himself on the Jungle Gym. Kay is not going to like that. Looks like we’ll have to play King of the Jungle Gym to see who has to take him home. First one who hits the ground has to take care of Bob. – No, wait for it. Wait! Okay, charge!!


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