“Can’t make this up.”
Last week I told you about a word used in 63 percent of all lies. Or, 72 percent. When I make up numbers it’s hard for me to remember what I said.
This week I’m gonna give you the two biggest exaggerations in the history of Western civilization. Hey, I’ve been doing a lot of research.
Ready? The second biggest exaggeration is “You can’t make up something like that.” That is soooo not true. Name something you can’t make up? It’s impossible. At least on planet Earth.
What brought this to my mind was one of those murder documentary shows. Dateline, True Crime, 48 Hours, The New Detectives, On the Case… I watch a bunch of ‘em. I don’t know why. They’re like watching the first part of one of those revenge movies. Makes me way angry. I must like angry.
Anyway, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the narrator or some police officer being interviewed say “You can’t make up something like this.” What he’s saying is that the motive and/or method of murder is just beyond belief.
You’ve gotta be kidding. CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Criminal Minds… they make up stuff like that every week. The cases get so convoluted that three minutes after the show I can’t tell you who killed who and why.
Each program follows a formula. Right off the bat you’re introduced to the most obvious suspect. You can scratch him off immediately. Then they introduce you to five or six others who may have had motive. It ends up being the apartment manager who had an affair with the lady’s niece.
You call that motive? It’s stupid as all get out. That’s why each episode is so forgettable. Yet, I still watch. All except CSI. Don’t ever show me a bullet as it goes through somebody’s pancreas and expect me to keep watching.
Can’t make stuff like this up? Sheesh. But, forget that. The most exaggerated statement in the history of mankind is – Are you ready? -- “Hey, anybody can do it.”
You need to just slap somebody that tells you that. There is nothing that anybody can do. Wait a minute. That sounds wrong. Uh, nobody can do anything.
Look. Let me just tell you what got me to thinking about this. It was Kay’s brother Tracy. A few weeks back I mentioned to the little twit that Big Al and I had put to rest our From the Rooftop TV venture. The country wasn’t ready for it. So, I was now in need of my own Rooftop Writer Website. I expected Tracy to volunteer to make me one.
He gave no hint of volunteering. Instead, he said that anybody can do it. He told me there are places all over the Internet that will make the job super easy. And, he made me believe I could do it. I should’ve atomic wedged him right on the spot.
Sure enough she found the Rooftop Writer. Of course, now I don’t know how to put a blog into it. Neither does Kay. She just knows how to find stuff. Me? I can’t do anything. That makes me dumber than anybody.
No, it’s gonna take Tracy to get me out of this. And, believe me, he’s gonna do it. You can’t make up what I’m gonna do to him if he doesn’t step up to the plate. And, that’s no exaggeration.
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