Thursday, April 4, 2013

Daytime Roofsit

“Keep that bunny away from me!”
Adult kids playing of Annie Over

    ROOFTOP – When I climbed up here last week, the birds were apparently home watching cartoons. They were not stirring a bit. This evenin they’re out in force. Just singing up a storm, like someone was handing out free seed-shuckers. 

    Late evening has always been my favorite time of day. Started when I was a kid playing with the gang on Camille Street. We generally began our outdoor games in late evening.

Right now is perfect for “Annie Over.” When night falls, you can’t see the ball coming over the rooftop for anything. Makes the game more exciting, but just a tad dangerous. We’d come charging around the house trying to bean the other team members with the ball and end up running smack dab into somebody.

My worst Annie Over injury was when I stepped on a nail while running between our house and Cynthia’s. It was back when I could run barefoot without looking at the ground and picking the smooth places to step. I ran in reckless abandon mode.

Because of that roofing nail, I got my first tetanus shot. Right in my rear. Back then, everything bad happened to your bottom. Shots, spankings, pinches, kicks… That’s where the saying “He’s so klutzy he couldn’t grab his rearend with both hands.” (“Source of Stupid Sayings” by Scooter Dalburn, 1988.)

Speaking of rear ends, I’ve gotta ask, did you ever have to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap? – “Come on now, Sweetie, Mommy want’s a picture of you with the Easter Bunny.” – Did you ever have to actually sit on that frightening hare’s lap?

If I had ever had my picture taken sitting on the lap of a Giant Bunny, my life would’ve taken a drastic turn. Once the other kids got a look at the picture, I would’ve spent the remainder of my days hunting muskrat just north of Sleetmute, Alaska. You have to be six months or younger to get past a documented bunny-sit.

Who came up with the concept of sitting on the Easter Bunny’s lap? What’s a Giant Easter Rabbit supposed to say to a kid? – “Hey, little girl, do you prefer real eggs or plastic?”

I have it on pretty good authority that there has never been a kid in the world who ever said, “Hey, Daddy, please, pleeease can I sit on that giant rabbit’s lap?” Giant rabbits are scary as all get out. You’ve gotta ask yourself, what kind of person thinks that climbing into a rabbit costume is right? I thought the Spanish Inquisition pretty well burned that notion out of society.

About a week before Easter, Jill sent me a picture taken back in 1958 of two kids sitting on the Easter Bunny’s lap. It was the most frightening thing I’ve seen since Keith Richards was taped singing “You Make me feel like Dancing” in a hotel lobby in Gisborne, New Zealand.

Instead of a fluffy rabbit head, this guy was wearing a hard plastic rabbit mask. He looked like the creep in horror movies who butchers co-eds when they back into dark rooms. Here, I'll stick the picture at the end of the article.  Please hide it from the view of little kids… say below the age of 15. They’ll freak. Not as bad as I did, but it could still mess them up.

Okay, enough with the Easter Bunny. I’m sorry you brought it up. Let’s get back to the sights and sounds of the evening. After all, we won’t be able to stay out here much longer before we’re completely covered in yellow powder.

My house, my car, my lawn chair, Kay… everything around here is covered with pollen. I have to shoo bees and hummingbirds away from my nose. My lungs are caked with the yellow dust. Come summer, my chest will be the site of a mixed forest of pine and oak, sitting on a carpet of ragweed. – I assume you get the point. There’s a lotta pollen.

And, at the moment there’s somewhat of stiff breeze. Look at Luis’s multi-colored whirligig across the street? That thing is spinning to beat the band. How many cool breezes could we possibly experience before summer? I fear, not too many. I’m glad we caught this one while on the roof.

As for the Easter Bunny talk? That’s just some of the stuff that surfaces when I’m above ground level. You’re no stranger to that. – Next time.



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