Saturday, February 1, 2014

Winter Wonderland

“Winter Wonderland”

    ROOFTOP – Do you have any idea how many jobs there are down there at ground level that I’ve put off till winter? A bunch.

    I don’t work well outdoors during the summer. I get headachy and sweaty and out of sorts. I can take a pill for the headache and I can mop off the sweat, but there’s nothing I can do when I run out of sorts. (I’ll look up the origin of “out of sorts” once we climb down.)

    The good thing about doing outdoor chores at this time of year is the fact that you’re not going to run across that many snakes. I could jump in that pile of brush back yonder and wouldn’t have to worry a bit about getting snake bit. I’d get scratched to pieces, but not bitten.

    And blackberries? You could pick berries all winter and not worry about snakes. You wouldn’t have to worry about carrying a bucket for the berries either. Weird how that works.

    I’m beginning to think that we just may experience a real winter this year. The recent cold front is a good indication of that. Northern Europe can’t find snow, but it’s hitting hard in a lot of parts in the U.S.

    Did you read about bears in Norway and Finland cutting short their hibernating time? Well, they’re sure doing it. They’ve got bears wandering around Krkzmsky  thinking it’s April. I can just hear a Mama Bear. --  “Audvin, what on earth are you doing up this early?” – “I don’t know, Ma. I just couldn’t sleep.” – “Well, don’t wake your father. He’s a bear if he doesn’t get his five months in.”

    I saw where the Russians are concerned about having enough snow for the Olympics. Seems it’s much warmer in the Caucuses than usual. So, besides terrorists threats, the Russians also have to worry about snow.

I guess that every minute of the day, there is someone somewhere worried sick about something. We’ve all had our appointments with worry, and we’ll have a bunch more if we live long enough.

    A really smart person once said that worry does nothing to change the troubles of tomorrow, but it sure can mess up the peace of today. There are so many great sayings about the uselessness of worry, one would think we would eradicate the disease. I do not have a sense of worry at this moment, but once I get at ground level I’ll think of something. 

By the way, who ended up with the thermos of coffee? Come on now, which one of you jakelegs— Okay, Ernie, pass it over. Don’t Bogart the thermos, Ernie.

Speaking of coffee, there has not been all that much sold in Australia of late. They’re having the worst summer in years Down Under. I doubt they’ll have any trees left after all the fires die down. The only good thing about it is the fact that the heat is killing off some of the most poisonous creatures on the planet. The only deadly creatures not affected would be the Australian fire snake, the Toowoomba flaming spider and the lava-eating rock ant.

Some researchers think that before Australia broke away from Asia it was called “The Land of Nod.” You know? The place where God sent Cain? East of Eden? A lovely place. I’ve seen the photos, but some vicious stuff lives down there. And, yes, I made up the Land of Nod connection.

The creatures in my yard are not nearly as vicious as those in Australia. What we’ve got right now are woodpeckers. They’re all over the place. Nothing to fear, though. There have only been three people actually drilled by woodpeckers, and they were Australians who were halfway expecting it.

By the way, woodpeckers are good to have. They’re eating a lot of pesky insects. Much like the polar vortex cyclondic surge up north has done to the northern ash borer. The ash borer in Minnesota has been all but eradicated. Isn’t that something? -- I’m fairly certain this is the first time I’ve ever written the words “vortex cyclondic surge.” Things are getting so weird.

It’s either the altitude at rooftop level or else someone spiked the thermos. I’m hoping it’s the thermos. – Okay, enough of this foolishness, let’s gingerly dismount our pinnacle and join the others at ground level. I know, I know, there are responsibilities down there, but somebody’s got to take care of stuff. The bell tolls for us. – Watch your step, Rooftoppers!”

(P.S.: A “sort” was a piece of type used in old printing presses. When you were out of sorts, it meant you couldn’t do anymore printing. So, pretty much everyone is out of sorts nowadays. That makes me feel so much better.)

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