Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Things that will disappear in our lifetime

    Do you have any idea how much stuff is gonna disappear, fall by the wayside, go to the fossil farm in our lifetime? There has been a bunch lost up to this point.

    Free drinking glasses at the “Filling Station.” A free towel in a box of Tide. Returnable milk bottles. Gone. They’re all gone, and they’re not coming back. I don’t miss the bulky, wire-handled milk jug or the towel crammed in a box of soap powder, but the Houston Oiler glasses at the Hancock gas station were cool.

    But, let’s forget the past and look towards our future losses. I read an article that came out of the UK and was titled “These Ten Things Will Disappear in Our Lifetime.” I know it was out of Britain ‘cause the second thing listed was “The cheque.” Who spells “check” – “cheque”?  Nobody except the English. They wrap fish sticks and fries in newspaper! Call ‘em fish ‘n chips. Crazy Brits. 

    The article mentioned newspapers, books, mail delivery, handwriting and privacy as things that will disappear in our lifetime. – By the way the Brits pronouce it “Priv-uh-see.” Accent on the "Priv.

    All Brits aside, I decided to come up with a Texas slant on the soon to be disappeared things of life. I did this by posting the question to my friends on Facebook. I love ‘em. Don’t know 96 percent of ‘em, but love ‘em. Anyway, here are some of the responses. First names only.

    Deb says that cashiers are on their way out. All registers will be self-help. She didn’t say, but I believe that you will be photographed each time you remove something from the shelf, and the item you grabbed will be laser-tallied. You will be laser-tasered should the item go into your pocket or purse.

    Cat says that all slanted keyboards with the raised keys that have the little valleys in ‘em will be gone. We’ll all hafta type on the flat, un-grooved, pieces of glass. I just hate that.

    Several mentioned that cursive writing will disappear. I’m pretty sure it’s one generation away from the Adios Park. By the by, the Brits call cursive -- “diddly poo.”

    Cathy says that Tupperware will disappear due to the fact that people never return it. --  “Uh, Bernice, that tater soup I dropped off when you last had the fake bronchitis, is there any chance I can get the container back?”

    Betty says that good-manners will be gone. I would like to add that pretty much all social skills will push up the parsley due to society’s reluctance to speak to people in the flesh. – “Look, just walk away and I’ll text you.”

    Meredith says that knowledgeable sackers will be gone. They are already few and far between. – “A can of green beans, two cans of hash and a loaf of bread in the same bag! I oughtta pound you!” That’s one of those cool sayings that already taken a Hearse Pit-stop. . “I oughtta POUND you!”

    Brownie says that all things that old people can actually use will be gone. “Mom, you’re trying to call Uncle Ernie with the remote for the toaster.” – “Grandpa, quit trying to write cursive with the disposable potato peeler.”

    Lynn believes that the institution of “marriage” will disappear. The good news is that the divorce rate will take a nosedive. Marge says that children’s outdoor games will be no more, taking with them names like “Annie Over”, “Hide ‘n seek”,“Red Light, Green Light,” and a Hayter favorite “Duck for lawn darts.”

    Laura believes that empty seats on airliners will soon be gone, and Karen says that the “Etch-a-Sketch” will be in the stone orchard.  Audrey says that hard copies of phonebooks, dictionaries and photo albums will disappear in her lifetime. They’ll go the way of the #2 Pencil. The pencil was JJ’s contribution.

    My ol’ friend Brad says that “annoying newspaper columnists” will disappear… he hopes. Brad, always loveable as a rabid cat.

    Gerald says that hard copy maps will be gone. I would like to go further and say that all maps will go to Cold Feet Village. They will be replaced by the recording of a too-sweet voice saying, “Exit now and turn around, Dimwit.”

    Due to the assortment of electronic devices that each human will be carrying around, pushing someone into a swimming pool at a party will become a felony offense. That’s according to someone who mentioned it without writing it down for me. I don’t remember who to credit for that one.

Speaking of which, the word “whom” will visit the Horizontal Hilton as will the apostrophe. The apostrophe is credited to Darrel.  The “whom” by me… not to be confused with the Kum Ba Ya. – Thanks to all who provided me with so much stuff. And apologies to those who didn’t make the cut. I feel bad about that. I should’ve sent Brad’s contribution to Termination Station.


No comments:

Post a Comment