Saturday, January 24, 2015

Predictions that were duds for 2014

"All you need is to nail one big prediction"  

            Thomas John is an internationally known psychic, medium and clairvoyant. At least that’s what I read on the internet. Before reading that, I thought he was an ex- pitcher for the Dodgers with an elbow procedure named after him.

            But, this is a different Thomas John’s whose name showed up in the first section of individuals who predicted stuff to happen in 2014. Google listed 139 predictions TJ made for 2014. The way I see we lambaste weather prognosticators for getting the weather all wrong, why not psychic and clairvoyant prognosticators? Let’s see if T John deserves castigating.

            He was spot on with his prediction that shots would be fired at a major sporting event. That’s pretty much how most races start at track meets. A dumb prediction, but accurate. He also predicted that Israel would be attacked by foreign terrorists at some point in 2014. That’s like me predicting that one or both of my houseshoes will get lost at least once every week. I order my slippers on-line. They’re called “Somewhere in the House Shoes.”

            China was supposed to have “very negative energy” with regard to the U.S. in 2014. You think? And, a political figure was supposed to get a sexually transmitted disease last year. Wow. Stop the presses. I am so glad I wasn't there when TJ saw that apparition.

            A major politician was to have been involved in a financial scheme in 2014.  Boy, he was really went out on a limb on that one. -- India was supposed to have experienced a “toilet revolution” in 2014. (I kid you not.) I feel fairly sure that a nation of 1.2 billion people did have some toilet issues last year. I live in a house with one other person and we had a couple of toilet issues. One of them proved revolting, too.

            I’m also fairly sure that TJ’s prediction that China would experience a bus crash that kills many was accurate. Let’s see, a population of 1.4 billion? A bus with “many” people on it? A city with smog as thick as a slab of Vernon’s meatloaf? Yes, I imagine a bus crash occurred. – A ship was supposed to sink in 2014. TJ couldn't tell if it was a cruise ship or a tug boat.  Fortunately, he did predict that only a few lives would be lost. 

            There was supposed to have been a shooting in Washington DC last year. John sensed that during the 365 day period somebody in Washington D.C. might get shot.  I don’t think I’m going out on a limb to predict that in 2015 someone with the last name of Jones will get shot in Washington D.C. I would like to add to that someone with the tattoo of a tear next to his left eye will either get shot or will shoot somebody in every major city in the nation at some point in 2015.

            The best guess TJ had for 2014 was his suspicion of a cyber-attack against the U.S. by a foreign country – “Possibly China or Korea.” – Now that’s a prediction Thomas John will definitely include in his resume. TJ also predicted that Paris Hilton would get engaged in 2015. I don’t care enough to verify it, so I’m crediting TJ with it being true.

            All right, time for a few that TJ got wrong. He shouldn't feel bad, ‘cause it’s really hard to predict stuff. You’ have to practically be a psychic. Speaking of which, Prince William did not become the King of England in 2014 as TJ predicted. Neither did the next in line, Prince Charles, whom TJ completely overlooked. But, if, out of a whale of a lot wrong predictions, John had gotten the Prince William one right, he’d be considered the modern day 
Nostradamus. (Pronounced in Pre-K “Nose the llamos.”)  

            Flying cars with famous celebrities driving them were not introduced into the market in 2014. Perhaps TJ meant to say “Drones.” Those things are as prevalent as reporters camped out at Home Depot a week before a predicted “big” freeze.

            I am not aware of any extinct species being brought back from extinction in 2014. Of course that doesn’t rule out the probability that they’re currently working to bring back the Mohave Fire Ant. How on earth do they figure out what they’re going to genetically mess with?

            I don’t remember Sharon Stone making a major comeback in a great picture in 2014. However, I’d like to predict that a movie will come out in 2015 with Meryl Streep playing Charles De Gaulle. I saw that in a dream.
            I don’t remember there being a major mechanical malfunction in a ride at Disney World back in March or April that cost some lives. Regardless, they have got to start keeping a better eye on those spinning tea cups. You’ll think it’s a small world when you get decapitated by a runaway saucer. In fact, let me just make that a prediction for 2015. Saucer decapitation in the Small World section of Disneyworld. 

            Okay, that looks like a good place to stop this thing.  I should’ve stopped right before the toilet revolution in India. That’s an image this is going resonate well into 2015. – Next time.

1 comment:

  1. so funny Moke! made me laugh out loud! -jilly-