The Price of Bad Juju
Before we plunge into the very bosom of frivolity, I need to correct something from last week’s article. A few may remember that I was talking about the origins of many of this world’s inventions. -- Okay, three of you remember.
At one point I wrote “…in 7500 BC (6900 years before the birth of Islam) concrete was invented in a place we now call Syria.” The “6900-year” part should’ve read, “about 8100 years.” Islam was founded around 620 AD, but I subtracted AD from BC when I should’ve added. Major mistake. Seriously.
I thank my friend, Royce Creech, for pointing that out, and for tactfully informing me about it. I’m sure you caught it, but didn’t want to mention it for fear I would go all “Trump” on you. I don’t do that. I usually just cry.
In this particular case, my error apparently ‘caused some bad juju to visit the Hayter place. About a month ago, our kitchen faucet developed a drip. To fix it I simply turned the downspout so the drip would hit the partition separating the rinse water from the sudsy bath. That way, the drip made a much quieter splash, because it had a shorter distance to fall. Yes, it’s ingenious.
I considered the problem solved until the day after the “Concrete article.” That morning, I heard a loud drip while in the kitchen. Kay had forgotten to turn the nozzle back to the “quiet” position. (Women) Instantly, the urge hit me to actually fix the drip. It was totally out of character for me. Had to be bad Juju.
I dove into the task with reckless abandon. I was back in character. By Day Two, I had made a total of three Home Depot trips. Some of the trouble was my fault. Most of the problem was mired in weird valves with plastic, hourglass shaped drip-preventer things that break if you don’t put ‘em in just right way. Of course, you can’t put ‘em in the right way unless you have the RIGHT TOOL! -- I’m having flashbacks.
I ended up destroaying everything I had purchased. The only thing left to do was buy a new faucet. At this point, Kay insisted I call a plumber. I had to laugh. “Ha!” it was nowhere near plumber-calling time. (Men.) Instead, I threw a cushion into the cabinet below the sink, and became one with pipes.
One more trip to Home Depot, one more credit card swipe, and two hours later the faucet was installed. And, for the most part, it works. I owe much of my success to a special wrench I purchased in the late 20th Century.
The weird wrench cost me nearly as much as a faucet, but I considered it an investment. Why call a plumber when you own an official plumber’s tool that is so expensive it’s approved by the TRLPC? -- “Texas Real Life Plumbers Commission.”
Well, after the smoke cleared and the water subsided, the drip was gone. I don’t know how long it would’ve taken a plumber to do the job, but I can assume it would be considerably less than two days. That’s because plumbers not only have the know-how to fix or replace faucets, they also have the right tools. I’ve only got one of the right tools. And, instead of Know-how” I must resort to “Guess-how.”
The story would end right here, were it not for my brilliance. From my experience with bad juju, I managed to hit upon a great idea. I spent two days messing up two new valves and numerous fittings simply because I didn’t have the right tool. Forget the “know-how part.” I’m talking tools here. I didn’t have the right tool, because I didn’t want to purchase a tool that I’d use once or twice.
There should be another option. And, do you know what that option should be? A Tool Library. Checkout a tool and then return it when you’re finished. Do you know why we don’t go to the Tool Library? Because we don’t have one! A friend of mine from Louisiana told me about a tool library near his hometown. Sweet Mother McCray! I’m talkin’ Louisiana, here.
Someone in our midst who loves responsibility, who thrills at a challenge; and who may have aspirations for political office… Someone needs to create a Tool Library. I’ve got several tools I’ll donate to the cause. Practically all of my tools are being kept in storage at my house. I gave away at least four oil filter wrenches and a bunch of socket set attachments at the Pliler’s last yard sale. – “A quarter for the entire set? How about a dime?” (Some people…)
I realize that there are establishments that rent certain tools, but I don’t want the paperwork and the hassle. What I want is – “Here’s my Library card. I’m checking out this crooked wrench doohickey.”
So, what we have here is in idea in need of a body. That body may just be you. It should be you. Can you imagine what something like this would do to your resume? Coming up with a Tool Library to help your fellowman would make you the front runner in the 2020 Presidential election. I’d even campaign for you. Unless you didn’t want me to. I could see that happening. – Next time.