Hayter for December 22, 2024
“Christmas Sunday with the Cooper Family”
Christmas fell on a Sunday in 1971. It does that almost every seventh year. Seth and Stan Cooper did not take the 1971 timing well at all. You see, it was carved in concrete that the Cooper Family went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. It was expected and mournfully accepted by both boys and their older sister.
They weren’t big on Sunday night and Wednesday night services. That was pushing it. Sunday morning was bad enough. It started with a Sunday School class and ended with a 45 minute sermon by a preacher who was generally angry about something. Mother’s mindset was that the duller the sermon the more love God gave to those who sat through it. She never said that, but it showed.
Mother made the church rules, and Daddy went along with them. He was what is called a “shift worker.” He worked at a refinery… often referred to as a “plant.” Nobody knows why.
On Christmas ’71, Daddy was working the day shift, which required him to be at the plant by 7:00 a.m. He didn’t mind, because he got time and a half for working on holidays. The good thing about him working the day-shift on Christmas was that the family had to open gifts early, because he had to clock-in by seven.
Both boys were pleased with their Christmas gifts. Each got a western cap pistol with a faux-leather holster, a wooden bow with arrows that had stoppers on the ends, a bag of plastic army men and two tanks to go with them. They also got clothes, which never excited them. It was a waste of money that could’ve been spent on toys.
The only gifts that their father picked out for them were a football and a harmonica for each of them. Their mother didn’t appreciate the idea of harmonicas, but she wanted her husband to feel that he had a part in the gift selection.
Before their dad could get out of the house on this particular Sunday, Seth and Stan begged him to override Mother’s stand on going to church. “I can’t do anything for you,” their daddy said. “Hey, if I wasn’t working overtime this morning, I’d be going with you. You’ll have plenty of time to play with your toys after church. There are plenty of kids who don’t get anything for Christmas. You know what I mean?”
The boys knew what he meant. Mother had taped those very words on their bedroom door. Seth had to read the note to his kid brother because Stan didn’t start school until the following year. His greatest intellectual accomplishment thus far was his ability to count from one to seven.
What’s particularly sad about all of this was the belief that church on Christmas Sunday was not mandatory for children. Every kid knew that. But, the elders at the Coolwater Church of Christ, as well as some First Baptists, Second Baptists, United Methodists, Plain Methodists, First Presbyterians… and 74 other religiously named congregations that do a lot of splitting—none of them read about Christmas being a Holiday for KIDS!
After Daddy left for work, Seth knocked on his sister’s bedroom door. Regena went to junior high school, so she didn’t give two hoots about the problems of her two kid brothers. Seth started his plea with, “Redge, you’ve gotta tell Mother that you’re too sick to go to church. She might believe you and let us all stay home.
Regena said, “The next time you call me Redge, you will end up breathing out your rear!
Seth immediately started laughing but still managed to say, “Sis, that was a good one! If you fake being sick, I won’t tell Mother you said it.” She smiled before slamming the door.
Stan immediately ran to the kitchen and yelled, “Mother! Regena almost killed Seth by slamming her door on him!”
After shutting the oven door, Helen Cooper said, “Really? Well, I’m gonna knock a slat out of you and your brother if you don’t get out of my kitchen, and the both of you get dressed for church!” This would go down as the worst Christmas morning ever.
During church services, Seth and Stan didn’t get to sit together. Helen, knew they couldn’t be trusted to behave, so she sat between them. If either of them went to sleep, he would get a pinch on his leg. If they did anything untoward, they’d get hauled out of the auditorium to one of the classrooms, where they’d get a spanking. Helen’s spankings didn’t hurt a bit because she usually used her wide plastic belt that she wore with her Sunday dress. The slap of the belt was loud, but the boys could barely feel it. However, they each pretended to cry, so she wouldn’t wear herself out. Golden hearts they had.
Both boys were well behaved at the beginning of the service. Stan got pinched only twice for swinging his legs. It’s impossible for short people not to swing their legs in church. Unfortunately, things turned badly as soon as the song leader started up with “Rock of Ages”… on Christmas morning! It was during the second verse when the sound of a harmonica magically sounded throughout the auditorium. It seems that Stan had managed to hide his Christmas gift in his pocket, and for whatever reason, decided that “Rock of Ages” needed some help.
It took a few seconds before his mother noticed where the sound was coming from. She knew her son wasn’t dumb enough to play his harmonica in CHURCH! Regena, who was sitting up front with a group of teenagers, was almost as upset as her mother. The embarrassment would follow her throughout her entire life. She imagined they would have to become Methodist.
As bad as it was, Seth couldn’t help laughing. His laughter was born from both the humor of the event and his attempt to deflect attention from his kid brother. Brothers have to be a team. It turned out that Helen grabbed both boys and dragged them through the back door of the auditorium. Stan was bawling and Seth was as quiet as the proverbial church mouse.
Both boys got the longest spanking of their lives. Seth was only sorry that his mother was wearing her red, plastic belt. Seth feared the entire auditorium could hear the slaps of her belt… except for the older members who heard nothing.
As soon as the preacher made it to the rostrum, he said, “Stanley, has quite the musical talent for a young man. I hope he doesn’t lose it. But I don’t encourage anyone to instrumentally add to our singing. This church would split quicker than pants on a bear.” Fortunately, many in the auditorium got a good laugh out of Brother Crawford’s humor. Several others failed to see any humor it.
Not a word was said during the ride home. As soon as they got home, Seth and Stan changed clothes and stayed in their bedroom playing with their toy soldiers. It was the quietest they had ever been while making rifle and hand grenade sounds. Upon hearing their mother’s call for lunch, they slowly made their way to the kitchen table.
The silence was broken by Helen’s voice. “Seth, I want you to say the blessing.”
The boy couldn’t believe what he heard. “Uh, Mother, if you’re not going to say the prayer yourself, perhaps Regena should say it. She’s the oldest.”
Regena glared at her brother. “Yes, I am the oldest,” she said. “And you’re the one that Mother told to pray.”
Seth caught a glimpse of his mother’s
face. Yes, siree, he was destined to say the prayer. He started with, “Dear
God, thank you for this food that Mother made. And thank you for making her
such a good cook. And I’m sorry for laughing in church and I know you know that
Stan is sorry he played the harmonica. Maybe one day he can get his harmonica
back. I think we both know that he will never bring it to church again. And
thank you for this day… a day where me and my brother really messed up. We’re
sorry. In Jesus name, amen.”
He slowly raised his head and took a peek at his mother. He hoped that she was okay with the prayer. The smile on her face made him feel so much better. Perhaps he could plead sickness before the evening church service.
Over the years things changed a bit in church. Evening services on Sunday were cancelled. It seemed a few elders failed to see the need. And, yes, the church split.
But forget that. Now let’s skip forward to the Christmas of 1994, which also fell on a Sunday. Seth, his wife Kati, and their young son Mike had finished unwrapping gifts. Kati was in the kitchen in the middle of pancake-making, when Seth asked his son if he was pleased with his gifts.
Mike walked to the couch, reached up and
hugged his father. “I sure did, Daddy. You and mother did great! How long do
you think I will have to keep the trainer wheels on my bike?”
“I don’t know. It depends on how fast you grow.”
“Shoot. Uh, Daddy, there’s not supposed to be church on Christmas. So, can I stay home this morning? I could put all of the wrapping paper in the trash for mother and then play with my bike and toys.”
“Son, when I was a kid, we went to church
in the morning and evening on Sunday. So cherish what you’ve got.”
His son grimaced and said, “I don’t know what that means, but I’ll go. I just won’t be happy about it.”
Seth reached over, picked up his son, and
gave him a kiss on the forehead. “I’ve been there, Mike, so I know that you
will get used to it.”
Upon arriving home from church, Kati
turned the oven on to reheat all of the Christmas food groups. Mike scarfed
down everything on his plate, and then asked if he could play with his toys.
His mother said that he could play in his room but couldn’t go outside and ride
his bicycle until they were there to watch.
Kati and Seth eventually put the leftovers
in the fridge and cleaned up the kitchen. They then, escorted their son outside
to try out his new bike. The lad awkwardly climbed, but his legs could not
reach more than one pedal at a time. Seth would’ve purchased him a smaller bicycle
but feared that he’d out grow it too soon. No kid wants to look like a kid
while riding a bicycle.
After a good while, they went inside. Mike said, “Daddy, the older I get, the better I like Christmas.”
Seth replied, “Well hold onto the wonder
of it all, son. If you’re not careful, the Christmas spirit can slip away from
you. My prayer for you is that you stay young at heart for years and years.”
“Thank you, Daddy. I really think that my
brain is grown up enough for you to take the training wheels off my bike. When
I push down on one pedal it makes the other one come up so I can reach it.”
His dad grinned and said, “Son, I’ve got
no problem with your brain. Uncle Stan and Aunt Julie are coming over this
evening. Stan can see if it’s safe enough for you to lose the trainer wheels.
Your Uncle Stan is the wise one in the family. For the life of me, I don’t know
how that happened. The end
Merry Christmas from Kay and Mark. -- By the way, Christmas does not fall on a Sunday again until 2033. It must have something to do with Leap Year. I like Leap Year. mark
end
hayter.mark@gmail.com
