Saturday, February 5, 2011

People all over the world hit this one.

“Widely read article”

Do you know which of my articles in the last couple of years was the most widely read? No, I didn’t ask if you cared. And, yes, that was rude, Celia. You cut me deep. --Honk! I’m okay now.

Truth is, like most of you, I can’t remember what I wrote last week. Maybe like all of you. -- Whoa! True Grit! It just came to me.

But, forget True Grit. Well, try. While last week’s piece could conceivably end up being the most widely read, it certainly isn’t to date. No, the article that wins that distinction was one that appeared in The Villager on March 25, 2010. It was one of my Rooftop pieces.

If I had a copy of the old article, I’d tell you the title. All I know is the name I stuck on it when it appeared on the Rooftop Website. I called it “Happy Day.” I assure you The Boss gave it a better name before it went to press.

Anyway, Big Al set up our Rooftop Website,, years ago. It has pictures and videos of some of the productions we’ve been involved with. And, it also has a place where you can view my past articles. Not future ones. Big Al’s working on that as we speak. If he’s successful, it’s gonna be so much easier for me to write stuff.

I generally stick a new article on our Website about a week after it appears in the newspaper. I do that in case you go on vacation and get a week behind. Not a weak behind. That’s something all together different.

Right now there are only two years worth of articles on the site. If you haven’t seen it, get your buns over there… just not now.

So, temporarily forget this shameless promotion. Let’s get to the article that people from all over the world looked at. I can’t be sure they read it, but I can assure you they clicked on it. – Uh, for the two of you who know less about the Internet than I do, “click on it” means that somebody Googled me or some item that appeared in the article and clicked their mouse on one of their findings. When they do that, the article gets what is called a hit.

Okay, Sarah and Mitch have that glazed-over look, so lets get past my poor explanation skills.

I will tell you that I can determine how many “hits” the site gets, and from what countries they come from. Fortunately, I can’t determine who hit me. I don’t want to know who hit me, nor do I want the people I hit to know that I hit ‘em. – Can we get past this?

First off, a few people in the U.S. of A. logged onto the “Happy Day” article. But, and it’s a big BUT, we also got hits from Britain, The Netherlands, Turkey, Australia, Estonia, China and a few other lesser-known areas. Did you know that there’s a Ukwhatistan? There must be a “Country-Naming for Idiots” publication.

But forget that. The question we all need answered is why has no one invented the chocolate covered Cheeto? But, more to the point, why would someone living overseas want to find one of my articles.

Well, I zipped over to the article and did some research. I found the article by zipping over to the Rooftop Website and clicking on “Mark’s Column” and then-- Oh, forget it. Sarah and Mitch are just coming out of their coma. No need to hit ‘em again.

Bottom line, I found the article and instantly noticed a couple of pictures that I had included with the piece. The first is of a cute, little red/orange-chested bird. I put the photo in, ‘cause the article had to do with a conversation I was having with you on the roof. A one-sided conversation.

I was talking about the different birds in the yard and mentioned how Kay has a knack for naming birds. If she doesn’t know the official name, she makes up something sappy like, “Little Sweet Birds” or “Peep Peep” birds.

In the article, I went on to say -- “I think that’s why God let a man name all the animals. ‘Blue-footed Booby.’ That’s a man’s name for a gull-like bird. Genius!” -- I then inserted a photo of a Booby. A Blue-Footed one.

And, that is where we find the attraction for the article. It had nothing to do with me or my article. No, people wanted to see the photo of The Booby.

The realization of this just disappointed the daylights out of me. And, it obviously upset a few of those who landed on the article. One person commented, “This is the stupidest ocker I ever read. This guy’s a real drongo dunny budge.” I’m pretty sure it was one of the Australians. I’m just glad he’s on the far side of the globe.

Yes, the comments really hurt, but I can see where people may have been just a bit disappointed in their search results. I would assure them that I did not intentionally entice them to the Website, but they’ll never know ‘cause they’ll never be back. I’m now an outcast in the Outback.

Unless… Okay, this may bring ‘em back. Bear with me here. – “Everyone on the planet is born in the nuddy.”

“Nuddy” is Australian for “starkers”, which is British for “gzbldak” which is Ukwhatistan for “naked.” If I knew the word for “naked” in all the other languages, the people might come back to see that my use of “Blue-Footed Booby” was not a trick to lure them in. Of course, the nuddy thing is intentional, but it’s for a good cause.

The big problem I now face has to do with what picture to include with this article when it appears on the Rooftop Website. What photo can I insert for “nuddy?”

Whatever it is will certainly disappoint. Hopefully, the Australian stinker isn’t a real dolly whopper, or he just might buy a plane ticket. Then I’ll really be in deep frazzle caddie. – Uh, someone wakeup Sarah and Mitch. Somebody? -- Next time.

To view Brad and Mark's latest restaurant review click on -- El Bosque's

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful baby! Aren't babies something?
    So, people on the other side of the world enjoy the word booby very much, hmmm, that's odd.
    Good article Moke.