Thursday, October 25, 2012

Not much into costumes

“Halloween costumes”

    Brad called last weekend and woke me from the early phase of decent nap. He never calls on his day off, so I figured it was something important. It was. Important to him, definitely not for me.

    Brad was anxious to tell me of a Halloween costume shop that he’d just visited with his wife and grandkids. He urged me to drop everything and go check the place out.

    Check it out for what? I don’t like to wear costumes, and I’m uncomfortable around people who do. Especially people wearing masks. That’s just freaky. And clowns? Don’t get me started.

    Brad thought that if I didn’t want to get something for Halloween, maybe I should get some props for our restaurant review videos. That’s what he did. He bought a straw Oriental-looking hat to wear next time we review an Asian restaurant. The man is a genius. I hope he didn’t find a plastic pig nose for when we do BBQ. The man ought to be doing used car commercials. 

    Brad did say that he was looking for a sombrero, but couldn’t find a good one. The guy already has a sombrero, and I told him so. He wears the thing during our Mexican restaurant reviews. Drives me crazy.

    That’s when Brad said something really dumb. See if you don’t agree. He said that what he owned was a Mexican hat, not a sombrero. He said, “What I’m looking for is one of those pieces of cloth with a hole in it that you stick your head through. You know, a sombrero?” When I told him that he was referring to a serape, he said, “I thought that was shoe.”

    Back to the costume place. Brad acted like I should be real excited about the store, so I lied and told him that I’d rush over and check it out. If he ever asks what I thought about the place, I’ll tell him that I never intended to go. I was being sarcastic.

 If caught in a lie, it’s best to claim sarcasm. You need to make the person feel like an idiot for not catching onto the joke. People do it to me all the time. -- On a historical note, Noah was among the first to use sarcasm. – “A boat? No, it’s gonna be a taco truck. I’m surrounded by idiots!”

    I’m not sure Brad bought a new Halloween costume. He probably did, ‘cause he goes ape over Halloween. He decorates his golf cart and drives around the subdivision handing out candy. Or does he do that for Easter? I don’t remember. He does something weird.

    I haven’t done anything big for Halloween since the sixth grade. As soon as I stopped collecting candy, I stopped caring. Of course, I still buy candy for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. They seldom show up, but I usually buy the best candy just in case… in case they don’t show. I don’t wanna be stuck with a bunch of cheap suckers.

    Nowadays, I think most kids go “Trunk-or-Treating.” I don’t know which church, school or neighborhood invented Trunk-or-Treat, but it’s ingenious. You can get ten times the candy in a fraction of the walk. Isn’t that what America is all about?

    If were a kid today, I’d go to every Trunk-or-Treat in town. I’d be a Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian… whatever it took. I’d probably have to get my big brother Larry, to drive me, ‘cause I doubt Mom would’ve sanctioned congregational swapping. Parents can read so much into things. The key is – and always has been – FREE CANDY! Not that complicated. 

    Yes, I’d forget the whole the door to door thing. You have to walk too far. Then again, you could go over to Brad’s and see if he’d drive you around the neighborhood in his golf cart. 

    He’ll likely be in costume. I don’t know what he’ll be, but I’m thinking it may be something with an Asian theme. Maybe a ninja. If he is, ask him to demonstrate his numbchucks. That’ll be something your children will want to tell their children.

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