Saturday, October 13, 2012

Speaking of which...

The bed goes every direction except sideways
An update

    This week I’m going to give you a follow-up on a few things left hanging in previous weeks. Stuff that billions of readers have inquired about.

    First off, Kay and I will not be going on an Alaskan cruise in the foreseeable future. I persuaded Kay that we should use our Cruise Fund to buy a bed. The argument that won her over went something like this: “Do you really want to spend a third of our life in an old, bad bed, or in a new, really good bed?”

    The new, really good bed we ended up getting cost a bunch. It’s a king, double adjustable job. Two separate mattresses with separate controls that lift you up, put you down and vibrate you all around. The vibrating actually gives me a headache, so I only use it occasionally, and only because I can.

    We didn’t get a tempurpedic mattress like I planned, ‘cause it cost only marginally less than our car. The owner/salesman had us try out some most comforting alternatives. I’ve got to say that when you’re shopping for something that you’ll visit for the rest of your non-waking life, it’s best to get input from someone who knows beds. Believe it or not, it is possible to purchase a bed worse than the one you’ve got.

    Bottom line, my excitement over bedtime has doubled. And, no, you’re not meant to read anything into that. Speaking of “reading”, we can now raise the bed so we can comfortably read or watch TV in bed.

And, get this. When I get sleepy, I can just return my bed to the sleeping position, while Kay continues to read in the propped position. Reading makes me sleepy, but it keeps Kay awake. I didn’t know that when I married her. Had she chewed tobacco while reading in bed, it would’ve likely been a deal breaker.

    Now, concerning the bar of soap that I’ve been trying to use completely up. --  It’s still alive. It is as thin as a fitted sheet, but still lathers. A couple of readers have told me that the best way to get the sliver to completely dissolve is to stick it to a bar of new soap.

Two things wrong with that. It would be cheating if I let the soap ride along with another bar, thus skewing my findings. I hate skewed findings. Besides, the sliver is so hard that I doubt it would stick to any other soap. Maybe Dove. If Silly Putty came out with soap, it might stick to it. 

So, I fear I’ll hafta get back to you later with the results of my soap experiment. By the way, in my soap article I mentioned that two people in Latvia were the only ones to completely use up a bar of soap… in separate incidents. I joking referred to the people as Lats.

As luck would have it, I was contacted by a real life Latvian from The Woodlands. Aivars informed me that “Lat” is the name for the Latvian currency, and that the people of Latvia are referred to as “Lett.”

He also told me to stick my soap sliver to a new bar of soap. I think the Lett invented the process. Fortunately, it is obvious that Aivars has a sense of humor. Regardless, my apologies to the world population of Lett. I have fired two of my researchers over this.

    Finally, a kidney stone update. My urologist prescribed a pill that’s supposed to keep me from having any more stones. Of course, I still have to drink water constantly. . Plus, a friend recommended I drink a little bit of apple-cider vinegar now and again. Dilute it with water or something nice-tasting.

    When I asked the urologist about the vinegar, he informed me that my stones are calcium and that vinegar would likely help. He said that if I really enjoy torture, I should try it, but that the pills he prescribed should do the trick. I decided to do both. 

    Drinking diluted vinegar isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. It’s a lot worse. There’s nothing you could possibly mix with vinegar that would make the experience more tolerable. Nothing I’ve discovered.

    Another friend recommended I drink Pomegranate juice. I do that, too. Pills, vinegar, pomegranate juice and lots of water. I will do whatever it takes to keep from writing another article about a kidney stone attack.

    I have every confidence that my next kidney stone will be acidic. – That’s it. Next time we’ll talk about something new. And, there’s a chance I’ll leave you hanging.


You can reach Mark at


  1. Mark, I've been drinking Apple Cider Vinegar for years. I don't even measure anymore. Just a glug-glug in a quart of cold water. (don't drink it in warm water, will curl your toenails) If it is too strong drink a few gulps and add water. If it is too weak add another glug. It is good for colds, sore throat, upset stomach kidney stones, migrain headachs, plain ole headachs, high blood pressure, high cholestral and many other things. They say it will help you lose weight (don't believe everything you read) They have written books about it. Medical community don't want that to get out. It could be a conspiracy. They would be out of business all just for a couple of glugs a day. I keep my mixture in the refrig in case of emergency. If feeling a little under the weather I sip on it all day, sometimes just for no reason. Its taste is not good but it ain't bad after you get used to it. Actually rather refresing on a hot day.
    There may be a few missspelllings in this post and others. I washed my hands and can't do a thing with them. Later TC

    1. Cromeens! Why didn't you tell me. I mixed the vinegar with cool water last night, and it was more tolerable. But, still bad. I like pickle juice so I was thinking of adding dill and maybe some other spices and trying it. I'd drink all our pickle juice now, but Kay has this idea that she wants to save the pickles.

      You may have chanced my lifestyle, ol' friend. Oh, and I'm the king of misspellings and made up words. Ms. Sherman would sure amen that. -- I don't remember us being in the same English class. Did you have her?

    2. Your supposed to use Apple Cider Vinegar. The other may work but apple cider vinegar is magic. It cures everything. The pickle juice may be like chicken soup maynot help but won't hurt. Some people mix honey with the ACV (half and half) before you dilute with cold water. If you want the pickle juice just put the pickles in a bowl in the pantry and drink the juice. Don't know how the dill will work. Don't see how it could hurt. As far as English class goes that has been so long ago I don't remember if I had English class. If I did, it probably is not obvious most of the time. TC

  2. Of course pickle juice is the wrong kind of vinegar! I forgot the ol' adage, "If it taste good, it's bad." And visa versa.

    I've tried the honey, and it just made it taste really bad and sweet. Why are there no happy cures!!! Khaaaan!!!