Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Rooftop in Spring

Spring on the Roof
            ROOFTOP – Do you have any idea how close I came to getting someone to mow my lawn last week? Close. I’ve always done the mowing, but let me tell you, after last week’s ordeal, I’m about ready to pass the torch to six other guys with a trailer full of lawnmowers, weedeaters and hedge trimmers.

            I hadn’t mowed in a good while because of all the rain. I don’t know if you’re aware, but rain, while preventing you from mowing, actually enhances the growth of your lawn. I assume the Homeowners Association was keeping an eye on my yard, ‘cause, occasionally, I could hear a drone hover.

Last week was my first chance in about a month to crank up the mower. When I first purchased my Honda Mower, “Self-propelled” was printed right three on the box.Today, it is a Mark propelled.

I don’t know if you’re aware but a self-propelled mower that won’t propel is much harder to push than just a regular push mower. Archimedies once tried to explain why that is, but he got confused. Regardless, I’m here to tell you that a Mark propelled mower is the worst one you can have. 

            To tell the truth, I was pretty much worn out before I even started to mow. I had to move eight bags of Cypress mulch to the front flowerbed for Kay. I could’ve carried one on each shoulder, but my head kept getting in the way during placement. So, that’s a stooped-shoulder eight tripper.

            I used to own a wheelbarrow, but the tire wouldn’t hold air. It didn’t have a leak, it just didn’t like air. I eventually put it at the end of the driveway and someone relieved me of it. People will sure do that for you. You don’t even have to put a sign up explaining your intention. They’ll just up and take it. Every creature has a purpose in the circle of life.

            Anyway, after manhandling cypress mulch, I was beat. It was while in this condition that I started mowing. Our yard holds as many weeds as it does grass. What we have is a hybrid variety of weeds that came in on a Southeast Asian freighter loaded with swamp-raised crawfish. It took me two days to mow the Cambodian Wartleaf-deformis. 

That means, I’ll need to mow again fairly soon. At some point between now and then, I must decide if I want to get my mower repaired, buy a new mower, or hire the six guys with a trailer to mow the place for me. There are financial concerns about each of these choices. The most expensive would be to have Cy’s Yard Care and Tire Rotation crew take care of the yard. (If there really is a Cy with a lawn care business, please know that this is a joke. And, could you give me an estimate on my yard?)

I’d let Kay in on my dilemma, but she’ll just say, “Keep the mower we’ve got, and I’ll help you mow.”  After mowing two strips, Kay would look like one of those pioneer women on “Gunsmoke.” A passing Sheriff’s deputy would see her, stop his car and tase me.

The good news is, I’m not going to make a decision right now. So let’s move along, shall we? Egad! Did you hear about Blue Bell clearing the shelves of all their ice cream? Does that not make you want to bite one or more of your knuckles?

Blue Bell didn’t make this decision because they actually believed all of their plants had a problem with an, heretofore, unheard of illness. No they did it because the bacteria were found in one of their magic ice cream making places in Oklahoma. (If memory serves.)

Blue Bell would’ve been better off if small pox had been found at the plant. You can sure enough tell when someone has small pox. But listeria? The symptoms for listeria are the same for every disease known to man. So, anyone with nausea or diarrhea or back pain or fever or a stomach ache would sue Blue Bell for giving them listeria.

No, the cheapest thing to do was to close everything down and disinfect every fudgesicle, dreamsicle, gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in a tri-state area. (I do so enjoy great movie quotes.)

And, speaking of hen houses, did you hear about farmers in Iowa having to kill over five million chickens because avian flu was detected? It used to be called “bird flu,” but the name was changed because “avian” sounded more serious. The name “Bird Flu” has the same punch power as “cooties.” By the way, both avian flu and cooties have the same symptoms as listeria.

Regardless, because of this flu scare we’ve now got over 20 million less buffalo wings. That would be enough to feed the entire Houston Metropolitan area for lunch. – I ask you, how can there possibly be enough chickens to supply the millions of wings consumed each day? I think I’d rather be a mud grub than a chicken.  

My word! How on earth did you let me get so negative during this rooftop episode? The intention of these outings is to encourage one another. Help us to see life from a different frame of reference. A different something.

            Oh well, it’s also a good place to vent. I suppose I have done enough of that. But, next time? Next time we’ll play the happy game. No whining allowed. Well, maybe just enough to keep things interesting. – Next time.


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