Interview with Mark

       

                               

Hayter for September 10, 2023

An Interview with Mark

You may not realize it, but I’m not all that talkative. In fact, the main reason I say anything is to break the silence. I do not enjoy being in close proximity to two or more people who have absolutely nothing to say.

When I’m alone, I seldom talk. Of course, I’m liable to burst out in song, but that’s different. “Riding on the City of New Orleans, Illinois Central, Monday morning rail…” – See? That didn’t bother me a bit. It actually felt good.

   But when I’m with others, somebody better open their mouth or I’m going to say something stupid. --  “Say, my brother has a pair of shoes like that. You must know him; his name is Dennis?”

That’s called an icebreaker. It’s so much better than the opener “Is it hot enough for you?” – You’re liable to get slapped for starting off with something like that. It’s so much better if someone else starts the conversation. I don’t care how boring the subject is, I’ll behave as if I’m listening. -- “So, what color is your cat?” – That’s pretty much the only cat question I can come up with.

I say that to say this. Although at the moment, I’m alone in this room, I’m going to let you ask me some questions, just to see if I can come up with answers off the top of my head… as opposed to the bottom of my shoe. This is gonna be rough because I’m a good interviewer, but a lousy interviewee. So, who’s first?

Sheryl – “What’s your favorite place on earth?”  -- Me: I don’t know. I haven’t been there yet. Next?

Ross – “Okay, what’s one place you’ve been to that you never want to return?  -- Me: Oklahoma. The first four Hayter kids were born in Bristow, Oklahoma. I’m the first of Elsie and Faris’ kids born in Texas. I’m here to tell you that Pasadena, Texas stinks on ice, but like every other town, it’s better than anywhere else in Oklahoma. – Who’s next

Edna – “Hey, I’m from Oklahoma, and I take offense at that.” –  Me: Being from Oklahoma is a sign that you have a dry sense of humor, so I take your comment as a joke. I was in college before I realized that one of my cousins was lying about having trained Charlton Heston’s horses in the movie Ben Hur. That’s just one example of the many lies I took home with me from Bristow. I shared most of the stories with my friends and teachers, each of whom pretended to believe me. – Next question?

 

Dale: “What is the worst movie you ever saw?” – Me: That would have to be “Cucko on a Choo Choo” in 1952 with the Three Stooges. However, the worst movie to ever be nominated for an Academy Award was “A Passage to India” in 1984. There could’ve been other less interesting movies nominated for Academy Awards, but I didn’t see any of ‘em. “Midnight Cowboy” from 1969 was edged out by “Passage to India.” – Anyone else?

David – “Mark, what would you rather be, hot or cold?”  --  Me: Let me think-- COLD! I seriously doubt that it will ever get too cold in Conroe for me to change my mind about that. – Next.

Roger – “All right, what’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?” – Me: That’s gonna be hard because I’ve been to so many. That was one of those Okie dry-wit jokes. While I haven’t been to many concerts, without question, the best was Neil Diamond. In the course of 10 years, Kay and I went to see him twice. – “I am”… I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all not even the chair. – “I am”… I cried. “I am”;… said I. And I am lost and I can’t even say why.” – Anyone else?

Vera – “If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” – Me: Prunes. – Next?

Lawrence -- “What is your favorite quote?” – Me: Wow. I regret that question being asked right after my mention of irregularity. But, “favorite quote” is an easy one for me. I once mentioned to my sister Jill that I treasured a particular saying. The next time I saw her, she gifted me with a framed knitting that reads:

“The moving finger writes and having writ moves on: Nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.”  Omar Khayyam. – A reminder that my life’s mistakes can never be taken back. But the horrible lessons learned from them can prevent others that might be equally damaging. While I respect Omar coining such a line, I respect my sister Jill even more for thinking to knit and frame them for me. What kind of sister does that?  The best, Jerry. – Time for one more.

Oliver – “Mark, have you ever failed at something, and if so what did you do after that?” – So, many failures to choose from. Let’s see. I’m going with my failure to learn to play the piano. What I did after my first lesson was quit taking lessons. And my teacher was doing it for free. In fact, he was the one who urged me to quit.

So, sad. Had I stuck with the lessons, I could’ve been a great pianist. Maybe even played backup for Neil Diamond. – “But I got an emptiness deep inside/ And I've tried, but it won't let me go/ And I'm not a man who likes to swear/ But I never cared/ For the sound of being alone.”

Without question, that song needs a piano.  --  Next time.

End

hayter.mark@gmail.com