Life aboard super carrier USS Enterprise

“Feature – Skyler Mullis: In the Navy”

   
Skyler Mullis (24) returned home last week after his fourth deployment aboard the world’s first nuclear powered aircraft carrier the USS Enterprise. Shortly after the super carrier docked at Norfolk, Virginia, Mullis was given a 10-day leave to visit his family and friends in The Woodlands.

Skyler Mullis aboard The Enterprise

    Upon his arrival at Intercontinental, he was greeted by a host of fans, among them the daughter he had never met. Skyler’s wife, Sarah, gave birth to Elizabeth Grace three months into her husband’s most recent deployment.

Elizabeth Grace is one of those wide-eyed kids, who just seems glad to be on the planet. During her first meeting with Dad, she didn’t act the least bit uptight. She went straight to his arms. No tears. The same cannot be said for Dad.

I know Skyler Mullis through Diane, his mom. Diane is a person who spends every spare hour volunteering for stuff. About makes me sick. When she mentioned that her son was coming home from a deployment, I decided to invite myself to his Welcome Home party just so I could ask him about life aboard ship. I wanted to know if it was as bad as I had imagined.

 Skyler has been in the navy for three years now. Before that he was an emergency medical technician working in Montgomery County. One day, out of the blue, he just decided that he wanted to be a medic for the Marines. That’s how he ended up joining the Navy.

Oddly enough, the Marines have no corpsmen (medics).  There are no corpsmen in the Corps. I don’t even know if Skyler knew why. For whatever reason, Marines use Navy medics.  

Skyler was okay with joining the Navy to be a medic for the Marines. Unfortunately, at signing time, he was told that there were no more openings for corpsmen. How would he like to work with computers? 

So, that’s what he ended up doing. Skyler’s position and rank is that of. Information Technician, Third Class. (IT-3) Military personnel speak in acronyms. They’ve got codes for life jackets, meals and teeth brushing. After awhile, I got tired of asking.

Skyler is quite proud of his time aboard the Enterprise. He told me that, next to the USS Constitution (Old Ironsides), Enterprise is the oldest commissioned vessel in the Navy. It was first launched in ‘61, a couple of years before the Cuban Missile Crisis.

When deployed, the Enterprise carries a crew of 5500, give or take. It’s like living on a floating city that has a giant airport for a roof.

I was shocked by the fact that Skyler had been allowed on the landing-deck only one time. You can step out on the deck when the ship is in port, but not during operations at sea.

“Jets are constantly taking off and landing, so there is a lot of red tape and special gear required before non-flight personnel are allowed on deck,” he said. In case you were wondering, all of the red tape and gear have acronymic names.

As an IT-3, Skyler spends most of his time in front of a computer in a room with 40 other people. However, he’s occasionally required to visit other areas of the ship to straighten out computer snafus. “I’ve been over approximately 75 percent of the Enterprise,” he said. “That requires me to have both Secret and Top Secret clearance.” The difference between “Secret and Top Secret” is unknown to civilians. I can live with that.

    When the Enterprise is at sea, Skyler works 12-hour days, seven days a week. “There is not a lot to do during my time off,” he said. “So, I don’t really mind the long hours.”

The ship has two gyms, a handful of TV lounges and one laundromat… for 5500 people. Each sailor is responsible for washing his own personal items – T-shirts, recreational shorts, underwear, socks… “Days when you have to go to the washateria are the worst,” Skyler said.

“We used to have to wash our own uniforms, but, too many of them were getting ruined in the machines. Likely more human error than mechanical problems,” he said. Apparently, lack of washing machine skills is not a deal breaker for prospective Navy enlistees.

The area where Skyler sleeps contains 88 bunks, stacked three high, with two feet clearance between each.  His “berthing” area is situated two levels below the flight deck. “There is never, not any noise aboard ship,” Mullis said. -- He used the double negative for emphasis. Not never, is as seldom as it gets.

“There is the constant noise of jet engines, and planes hitting deck and taking off. The weird thing is, I’m used to it.”

“All of my possessions fit inside a standup locker, the size of a school locker and one coffin locker,” he said. And, yes, I asked. A coffin locker is named for its capacity, not so much it’s looks.

And, what of food? Skyler is not all that fond of it. I’m not surprised. I’ve never heard of anyone joining the military because of the fine food. It would be like someone checking into the hospital for the lemon Jell-O. 

“Saturday we get pizza and wings, so we sort of look forward to that,” Skyler said. “Sunday is steak and shrimp. It’s not nearly as good as it sounds. But, let’s face it, they’re preparing steaks for over 5000 people.”

There have been some notable visitors aboard the Enterprise. “Occasionally we’ll get a call to general quarters and they’ll have a few famous people talk to us.” When pressed, Skyler could remember only the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and one tall baseball pitcher. When I suggested it might’ve been Randy Johnson, he agreed that it probably was.

Of course, the most famous people aboard ship are the fighter pilots. They carry themselves well. “Oh, they’re cocky all right,” Mullis said. “But, I doubt it’s intentional.”  Truth is, I don’t think you could be a fighter pilot without developing a swagger.

I do know that it is possible to be an IT-3 and not have a swagger. Skyler is as humble a guy as you’re going to find. People kept dragging him away for hugs and photo sessions, and he was “All shucks” about it. At no time did I discern even a hint of swagger.

Elizabeth Grace waves to the World

Pride? I could see pride in his eyes. Especially when he held his daughter. “The only downside of my Naval experience has been the separation,” he said. “That’s been real—“ An unintentional head butt from Elizabeth Grace interrupted his train of thought. Or, maybe not. Regardless, he didn’t finish his sentence. 

 Before being dragged off for the last time, Skyler said, “I think that every ‘single’ able-bodied person should join some branch of the military. It’s good experience. If I had to go back, I’d do it all over again.” 

Right about now, Skyler is in Norfolk with Sarah and Elizabeth Grace. The Enterprise will stay in port until 2015 when it will be decommissioned and eventually moved to Washington State. America’s first nuclear powered carrier will be replaced by the USS Gerald R. Ford, CVN-78.

The USS Ford will set sail without Skyler Mullis aboard. Sailors are stationed for 4 years aboard ship, and then three years on base. Near the end of 2014, Skyler will have completed his four-year stint working aboard the Enterprise. He doesn’t know where he’ll be stationed next, but it’ll be on dry land.

“I’ll get to be with my family,” he said. “No more separation… for awhile, anyway.” 

Sarah and Skyler with Elizabeth Grace. 
E.G. wasn't even afraid of me.
Not crazy about me, just not scared.

end

You can reach Mark at Mark@rooftopwriter.com

What's bad for you -- at the moment

Or not

Enough already!

    The next person who tells me that something is bad for me is going to get a really mean look. I’m tired of it. Who isn’t?

    Coconut oil? Remember how the theatres quit using it to pop their corn, ‘cause it was supposed to kill you? We were told that coconut oil contained the worst fat there is… next to yak fat. That’s supposed to be really bad. I imagine.

    So, practically overnight, popcorn, as I knew it, became dead to me. I once smuggled some string cheese and pretzels into the theatre. Ruined the whole movie for me.

    Now they find out that coconut oil is actually good for you. I’m not making this up. The fat in coconut oil has magically become wonderful stuff.  Dr. Oz says we should eat it right out of the carton. The stuff looks like Crisco, yet people are eating it with a spoon. It’s supposed to cleanse your body. Cleanse something. I don’t know. Kay’s the one who watched the Oz episode. The guy drives me nuts.

    So that which was bad, has now become good. And that, dear friend, is why a mean look will befall the next person who tells me something is bad for me. I’ve had it with this kind of nonsense.

    That having been said, I’ve given up artificial sweeteners. Been off ‘em for about two weeks now. It was the doctor named Oz that did it to me. What a meddler! I’ve been told forever that artificial sweeteners were bad. Some of the evidence came from the mere taste of Tab. The other from tests done on rats.

Rats that were fed twice their body weight of saccharin developed diarrhea and constipation on alternate days, plus a fear of toast. (Novi Iskar University, Bulgaria. 1973) Other studies were done, but this is the one most published.

I paid little attention to the studies, ‘cause I never cared for artificial sweeteners. Diet drinks taste like sweetened bark juice. Regardless of the brand. And, don’t get me started on artificial sweetened syrup. It’s terrible. You can’t even get it to stick on stuff. The minute you pour it on a stack of pancakes, it runs off, apparently seeking the lowest level.

The only use I have for artificial sweeteners is for my coffee. An envelope of Sweet ‘n Low adds a slight sharp taste to my first quart of coffee. I like slight sharp. I don’t get it with sugar, Splenda, Stevia, or Sillicakes. (I made that last one up.)

I was pleased as naturally sweetened punch with Sweet ‘n Low, until Kay came in and told me what Oz said. I really don’t like Oz.

Oz actually gave a reason that artificial sweeteners are bad for us. It was a reason that actually resonated with me. Oz said that artificial sweeteners are not natural. They’re artificial. Get it? As such, your body doesn’t know what to do with ‘em.

Your body parts may not speak to you, but mine do. I’ve only recently been able to figure out what’s going on in there. Once Sweet ‘n Low hits my stomach, the conversation goes something like this. – “Oh no. More of this artificial #@!+. Pardon my French. Anybody figured out what it is? Anybody? Okay, I’m sending it right to the spleen. Anybody figured out what the spleen does? Anybody?”

One thing that ultimately happens to artificial sweeteners is that they end up in your bladder. The bladder hates the stuff. Remember? It’s unnatural. Eventually, your bladder goes ape crud. Does a number on you. I know this, because since my Sweet ‘n Low withdrawal, I’ve been able to sleep all night without having to stagger to the restroom. It’s a miracle.

Of course, my coffee has lost its slight sharpness, but I’ve almost adapted. I use real sugar now. Sugar is natural, so my body knows what to do with it. I don’t like what it does with it, but at least it knows what it’s doing.

Bottom line, I may end up eating a cup of coconut oil every morning to try to clear everything out. I’d better decide on that quick, before Oz changes his mind about the benefits of the stuff. I tell you, the guy drives me nuts.

end


You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com

Hayters and Plilers at football game

“Runner for the Bears”

    It’s been too many years since I’ve had someone to cheer for at a high school football game. The last time was in ’96 when Big Al’s boy, Clint, was playing.

The Conroe Tigers had a great football team in ’96, made even greater by wide receiver Clint Hayter. Don’t get me wrong, Andy Patrick, Rock Cartwright and a dozen or two others, helped out, but I was there to watch Number 85. Do I sound like a proud uncle?

Well, here it is 16 years later, and another nephew has come of age and developed talent enough to play football for the Montgomery Bears. Ryan is Virginia’s grandson, therefore not technically my nephew, but I claim him. Did I mention he plays football?

Ryan is a junior at Montgomery High and plays for the JV team. They play on Thursday nights. Next year he’ll be on the varsity and I’ll get to do the whole Friday night thing. Maybe even become one of those tailgaters. I’ll need to rent a truck. Or at least a tailgate.

When I played on JV team at Pasadena High, I was an okay player, but not as good as Ryan. He keeps reminding of that. Have you noticed how so few youngsters today lack confidence? Humility has all but skipped a generation.

    At least Ryan has something to brag about. In his last game against Willis, he ran for 186 yards. They put a six at the end of the yardage so it would sound like someone was actually keeping tabs. I’m not even sure he was the leading ground gainer. The Bears pretty well trounced the Wildcats.

    I don’t know if I mentioned it, but Freeman played football for Willis back in the day. Back in the day when there were 17 in the graduating class. Because of the Willis connection, Virginia invited a few Willis friends and family to the game. Only stipulation being that they agree to cheer for number 28 of Montgomery.

    Ryan had about 20 of us in the stands cheering him on. I was the loudest, which is weird, ‘cause I was sick as a dog. Had a cough that would not stop. Still do. But, for some reason, my throat ailment amplified my yelling and whistling capability. I can only assume that my vocal cords had developed calluses from all the coughing.

    I got so wound up in the game that I didn’t notice how irritating I had become to those around me. Kay kept putting her fingers in her ears, but it never registered with me as to why. I think it was ‘cause of all the medication I was taking. Allergy pills really mess my brain up. 

    Kay finally told me to tone it down or she was moving. During the second half, I barely cheered at all. I did cough a lot, though. I’ll be over the cough in a month or two.

    The game ended at about 9 p.m., at which point we all headed to IHOP. It’s a tradition. I don’t like to eat past 6:00, but I make exceptions for traditions. There’s some bad juju associated with being the one to break a tradition. According to Virginia.

    Let me tell you, IHOP came alive as soon as we walked in. It didn’t hurt that we were the only customers at the time. The waitress, Rose, was ready and waiting for news of the game. I don’t know if she likes football, but she becomes a big Bears’ fan the minute she sees the Plilers.

    Oh, speaking of Pliler, it took the announcer at the stadium a couple of games before he got Ryan’s last name right. He was calling him Piller, Piffler, Fifer and all sorts of nonsense. I told Freeman that if he would spell his name with a “Y” (Plyler) fewer people would mispronounce it.

    Freeman didn’t take me seriously, but Virginia got so mad at me that I had to assume the fetal position. Over the years, that pose has become a real lifesaver.

    By the way, when I played varsity at Pasadena High, I had little trouble with announcers mispronouncing my name. As a rule, you have to be on the field before they’ll even call your name. I didn’t get to play all that much my senior year.  Not enough talent, but I had loads of humility. Reeked of humility.

end

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com

Not much into costumes

“Halloween costumes”


    Brad called last weekend and woke me from the early phase of decent nap. He never calls on his day off, so I figured it was something important. It was. Important to him, definitely not for me.

    Brad was anxious to tell me of a Halloween costume shop that he’d just visited with his wife and grandkids. He urged me to drop everything and go check the place out.

    Check it out for what? I don’t like to wear costumes, and I’m uncomfortable around people who do. Especially people wearing masks. That’s just freaky. And clowns? Don’t get me started.

    Brad thought that if I didn’t want to get something for Halloween, maybe I should get some props for our restaurant review videos. That’s what he did. He bought a straw Oriental-looking hat to wear next time we review an Asian restaurant. The man is a genius. I hope he didn’t find a plastic pig nose for when we do BBQ. The man ought to be doing used car commercials. 

    Brad did say that he was looking for a sombrero, but couldn’t find a good one. The guy already has a sombrero, and I told him so. He wears the thing during our Mexican restaurant reviews. Drives me crazy.

    That’s when Brad said something really dumb. See if you don’t agree. He said that what he owned was a Mexican hat, not a sombrero. He said, “What I’m looking for is one of those pieces of cloth with a hole in it that you stick your head through. You know, a sombrero?” When I told him that he was referring to a serape, he said, “I thought that was shoe.”

    Back to the costume place. Brad acted like I should be real excited about the store, so I lied and told him that I’d rush over and check it out. If he ever asks what I thought about the place, I’ll tell him that I never intended to go. I was being sarcastic.

 If caught in a lie, it’s best to claim sarcasm. You need to make the person feel like an idiot for not catching onto the joke. People do it to me all the time. -- On a historical note, Noah was among the first to use sarcasm. – “A boat? No, it’s gonna be a taco truck. I’m surrounded by idiots!”

    I’m not sure Brad bought a new Halloween costume. He probably did, ‘cause he goes ape over Halloween. He decorates his golf cart and drives around the subdivision handing out candy. Or does he do that for Easter? I don’t remember. He does something weird.

    I haven’t done anything big for Halloween since the sixth grade. As soon as I stopped collecting candy, I stopped caring. Of course, I still buy candy for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. They seldom show up, but I usually buy the best candy just in case… in case they don’t show. I don’t wanna be stuck with a bunch of cheap suckers.

    Nowadays, I think most kids go “Trunk-or-Treating.” I don’t know which church, school or neighborhood invented Trunk-or-Treat, but it’s ingenious. You can get ten times the candy in a fraction of the walk. Isn’t that what America is all about?

    If were a kid today, I’d go to every Trunk-or-Treat in town. I’d be a Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian… whatever it took. I’d probably have to get my big brother Larry, to drive me, ‘cause I doubt Mom would’ve sanctioned congregational swapping. Parents can read so much into things. The key is – and always has been – FREE CANDY! Not that complicated. 

    Yes, I’d forget the whole the door to door thing. You have to walk too far. Then again, you could go over to Brad’s and see if he’d drive you around the neighborhood in his golf cart. 

    He’ll likely be in costume. I don’t know what he’ll be, but I’m thinking it may be something with an Asian theme. Maybe a ninja. If he is, ask him to demonstrate his numbchucks. That’ll be something your children will want to tell their children.

end
   
You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com

Everybody move in closer

Levi and Cash being repelled from Jungle Gym by Violet

“Duck for acorns”

    ROOFTOP – I must caution you about falling limbs. One hit on the eastside of the roof just before you arrived. It wasn’t big enough to kill anybody, but it would’ve stunned you. Wasn’t even that close, but it scared the willies out of me. I’m now without willies. 

    Since there are no limbs hanging over this part of the roof, what say we all huddle together over here? – That’s a little too close. – Better.

    I must admit it’s rare that a dead limb of any size finds the roof. We get a lot of acorns, though. A stiff breeze will blow through and you’ll think someone is tossing rocks at you. Those things hit with a loud thwack.  Thwack? I hate to try to spell sounds.

    Unlike last year, this is a good year for acorns. I haven’t witnessed too many squirrels taking advantage of the surplus. We lost a bunch of squirrels last year due to the drought. It’s apparently going to take another year or two for the population to build.

    Just as well, ‘cause we had way too many of those critters running around before the drought. You can’t convince me that some of ‘em weren’t throwing acorns at me. A yard full of overly confident squirrels is a bad thing. They stand out there and taunt you. “Hey, whatcha gonna do about it? Huh?” They’re just begging me to chase ‘em. I never play their game. Not anymore. 

    What I hate worse than a smug squirrel is a big black lizard with two yellow stripes on its back. I saw one of those this afternoon. It had one of those snubbed noses. I hate the snubnose. The thing was fast, too. Looked like a black “S” racing across the carport.  Ran in a “S” shape. I don’t know how they do it.

    I’d google “black lizard” and find out what kind it is, but then I’d dream about ‘em. If I see a picture of a snake or mean-looking lizard, I dream about ‘em.

Same thing with the Mafia and motorcycle gangs. I’ve been watching “Boardwalk Empire” and “Sons of Anarchy.”  Not too many scary shows scare me anymore. But, shows where people act really cruel? That stuff scares me. Let me tell you, there are some mean characters on Boardwalk and Sons. And I still watch ‘em. How do you explain something like that? Hey, it’s rhetorical. We don’t judge one another on the roof. – Speaking of which, I realize that all motorcycle gang members are not cruel. Just some of the ones on “Sons of Anarchy.”

What we need is a massive subject change. Let’s try this one. -- Boy, if you had been here Saturday week, you would’ve had a blast. I wouldn’t have had enough for you to eat, but you would’ve had fun watching the nieces and nephews run around acting crazy. Falling down, throwing stuff and yelling. Unless family visits, my yard doesn’t experience a lot of that.

We had some good eats. Unfortunately, my brisket was sub par, but a few lied and told me it was great. There are some family members who will not lie about food. Do you have any of those?

And, Kay’s pie. She made a nutty, whip cream, cream cheese and caramel concoction. It’s been banned in Oklahoma.

When things died down here, Al invited everyone over to his place for finger foods. We had never had finger foods at a gathering before. Finger foods take way too much prep for me. Al and Marlena went to a lot of trouble to prepare all the treats we had. They kept bringing out dishes of stuff. We’d finish one appetizer after another. Topped the evening off with some homemade ice cream.

Al cookin' up stuff

We sat out and talked till late. The mosquitoes were a little more active than they are tonight. Al had to light up some PIC. Remember the green spiral wick that you would light at the drive-in theater? They had the commercial where the giant mosquito is telling you to not believe it. That it “dooon’t work.” Then he croaks.

When Al got out the PIC, it made us think of the times Dad took us to the drive-in. All of the snacks Mom made for us; the playground area just under the big screen; the speaker boxes that made it sound like people were talking into tin cans. Ah, those were the days. I wouldn’t want to go back for anything, but they were fun while we had ‘em.

And, it’s been fun up here. Hasn’t it? Lie to me if you have to. The mosquitoes haven’t bothered us much. We got to share a thought or two. And, no one got taunted by a squirrel or thwacked by an acorn. I call that a good night.

end

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com

All the way from Washington

Susan and Jill

Sister Sue visits Texas!

    My sister Sue from Washington State is visiting. Isn’t that great? Came down from Grandview.

Grandview is about 150 miles east of Seattle on the other side of the mountains. Grandview doesn’t get quite the rain and fog that Seattle does, but the area does get apples. Lots of apples.

The Texas Hayters (Which means all but Susan) hadn’t seen our sister since Mom’s funeral six years back. That’s too long to go without seeing a sister. Sue came down at this particular time because she loves us a bunch, and missed us dearly… and because the Class of ’62 at Pasadena High was having it’s reunion.

Susan’s husband, Pete, passed away a couple of years ago, so Dennis escorted Susan to the reunion. Dennis is from the class of ’65 at PHS, so he was a youngster amongst ‘em. However, he did recognize a few of those in attendance. Didn’t know them well enough to dance with, which was good ‘cause he mostly recognized the men. Old they were. Not like my sister.

Sue is still a doll. She’s kept her figure and her good looks. I wouldn’t want to live with her or anything, ‘cause she’d probably try to boss me around. When we were kids, Mom would have Sue baby-sit us. Dennis and I could do no right. And, we tried. Oh, how we tried. Still, Mom had to spank us after practically every sister Sue sit. Sue never gave us a good report.

Susan isn’t like that now. Of course, something might happen to touch her off… send her back to the mindset of her 14 year-old self. At least Elsie is not around to give us a spanking. I wish she were.

Susan said that this has been her nicest visit. That’s ‘cause we’ve spread ourselves around. She was three nights with Jill, one with Larry and one with Dennis. Right now she’s at my house, and will be for at least one more night. Then it’s off to Al’s place.

Tuesday we all went to Clear Lake to watch Larry and Dennis play slo-pitch softball in an old man’s league. Senior league, I think it’s called. The brothers are on different teams and just happened to be playing one another. Larry is on a lousy team. (Don’t worry. They know it.) Dennis is on the best team in the league.

Me, Sue, Dardon Ann and Kay at Softball game

Turns out, Larry’s team was leading up till the last inning. Everyone was flabbergasted. Larry even hit a triple and knocked in some runs. The man was an animal on the base path. But, like I said, Dennis’ team came back near the end and won the thing.

There’s something you’ve got to know about Senior League slo-pitch. Those guys love it if someone shows up to watch. Seldom will even one of the wives come out to see ‘em. With four Hayter kids cheerin’ for both teams, the guys played better than they could. Even the umpire, my ol’ friend Skillet, was extra animated.

Besides the game, we’ve sat around and talked a bunch about old times. That’s about all we’ve got. Not many recent times. It is so odd how we all remember episodes in our childhood differently. And, in a few instances, there are those who remember certain experiences not at all.

Tomorrow the whole crew is coming over to my house for BBQ. Then we’re going to Al’s for homemade ice cream. More talking and joking and acting silly. Dennis is the silliest. Do you know what that guy said, right before Jill snapped a picture of me with Kay and Susan? Of course you don’t. He said, “Hey, Mark, tuck in your nose.”

It was the ol’ Mark’s-got-a-big-nose joke. A family favorite. And, Dennis timed this one perfectly. I busted out laughing… as did the entire room. Unfortunately, Jill was too busy laughing to snap the photo. It would’ve been a family favorite. Splattered all over Facebook.

And, of course, Elsie wasn’t there to make Dennis apologize. Had she been with us in that room, she still wouldn’t have gotten after Dennis, ‘cause she would’ve been laughing too much. – I do so love my family. That doesn’t mean I won’t loan Dennis out to you. Whatta goober, my big brother.  

End

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com

Speaking of which...

The bed goes every direction except sideways

An update

    This week I’m going to give you a follow-up on a few things left hanging in previous weeks. Stuff that billions of readers have inquired about.

    First off, Kay and I will not be going on an Alaskan cruise in the foreseeable future. I persuaded Kay that we should use our Cruise Fund to buy a bed. The argument that won her over went something like this: “Do you really want to spend a third of our life in an old, bad bed, or in a new, really good bed?”

    The new, really good bed we ended up getting cost a bunch. It’s a king, double adjustable job. Two separate mattresses with separate controls that lift you up, put you down and vibrate you all around. The vibrating actually gives me a headache, so I only use it occasionally, and only because I can.

    We didn’t get a tempurpedic mattress like I planned, ‘cause it cost only marginally less than our car. The owner/salesman had us try out some most comforting alternatives. I’ve got to say that when you’re shopping for something that you’ll visit for the rest of your non-waking life, it’s best to get input from someone who knows beds. Believe it or not, it is possible to purchase a bed worse than the one you’ve got.

    Bottom line, my excitement over bedtime has doubled. And, no, you’re not meant to read anything into that. Speaking of “reading”, we can now raise the bed so we can comfortably read or watch TV in bed.

And, get this. When I get sleepy, I can just return my bed to the sleeping position, while Kay continues to read in the propped position. Reading makes me sleepy, but it keeps Kay awake. I didn’t know that when I married her. Had she chewed tobacco while reading in bed, it would’ve likely been a deal breaker.

    Now, concerning the bar of soap that I’ve been trying to use completely up. --  It’s still alive. It is as thin as a fitted sheet, but still lathers. A couple of readers have told me that the best way to get the sliver to completely dissolve is to stick it to a bar of new soap.

Two things wrong with that. It would be cheating if I let the soap ride along with another bar, thus skewing my findings. I hate skewed findings. Besides, the sliver is so hard that I doubt it would stick to any other soap. Maybe Dove. If Silly Putty came out with soap, it might stick to it. 

So, I fear I’ll hafta get back to you later with the results of my soap experiment. By the way, in my soap article I mentioned that two people in Latvia were the only ones to completely use up a bar of soap… in separate incidents. I joking referred to the people as Lats.

As luck would have it, I was contacted by a real life Latvian from The Woodlands. Aivars informed me that “Lat” is the name for the Latvian currency, and that the people of Latvia are referred to as “Lett.”

He also told me to stick my soap sliver to a new bar of soap. I think the Lett invented the process. Fortunately, it is obvious that Aivars has a sense of humor. Regardless, my apologies to the world population of Lett. I have fired two of my researchers over this.

    Finally, a kidney stone update. My urologist prescribed a pill that’s supposed to keep me from having any more stones. Of course, I still have to drink water constantly. . Plus, a friend recommended I drink a little bit of apple-cider vinegar now and again. Dilute it with water or something nice-tasting.

    When I asked the urologist about the vinegar, he informed me that my stones are calcium and that vinegar would likely help. He said that if I really enjoy torture, I should try it, but that the pills he prescribed should do the trick. I decided to do both. 

    Drinking diluted vinegar isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. It’s a lot worse. There’s nothing you could possibly mix with vinegar that would make the experience more tolerable. Nothing I’ve discovered.

    Another friend recommended I drink Pomegranate juice. I do that, too. Pills, vinegar, pomegranate juice and lots of water. I will do whatever it takes to keep from writing another article about a kidney stone attack.

    I have every confidence that my next kidney stone will be acidic. – That’s it. Next time we’ll talk about something new. And, there’s a chance I’ll leave you hanging.

end

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com