College Major

Hayter article for December 15, 2019

Selecting a College Major

          Last week, my kid sister invited me to join her at Laporte's Main Street Trade Day, an event that occurs on the first Saturday of every month. Jill sells homemade peanut brittle and asked if I would keep her company at her table.

            Jill started making brittle several months back and has developed quite the clientele. On this particular Saturday, the first person to stop by was Tommy, a city councilman. He wanted to get some of Jill's peanut brittle before she ran out.

           Jill's brittle became popular after she gave out free samples. I told the customers that Jill’s peanut brittle was actually good for their teeth. Apparently, they realized I was joking because it didn't stop anyone from taking a sample. People tend to gravitate toward free stuff.

            After tasting a free piece of brittle, most decided to purchase a pack or two of Gamma Jill's Peanut Brittle. That's what's printed on her tablecloth. Gamma Jill. I couldn't help but think that my keen sense of humor added to several of the sales.

            That being said, I've made no secret about the fact that I'm a terrible salesman. A person good at marketing would never draw attention to the biggest flaw of the product he's selling. Of course, I was just joking because I wasn't the one selling the brittle. I was merely keeping Gamma Jill company.

            Unlike me, there are a lot of young people who are interested in selling stuff. I read a recent article about the top 10 most popular majors for college students. The first one is "Business." The survey must be true because every other college-aged person I've talked to is majoring in business.

            Most are going for a degree in Business Management. One person I know is majoring in Marketing. No one is majoring in Business Ethics. While it is required that most business majors take a course in business ethics, I don't think you can major in it. That's a good thing because the only thing you could do with a degree in Business Ethics would be to teach a course in Business Ethics.

            While in college, I took one course in business. I didn't do well at all. In fact, I managed to make an "A" on only one paper I wrote. The project was to invent a product and write a marketing plan for it. I came up with artificial grass for lawns. Astroturf had recently been created, so I borrowed the concept to use on lawns.

            Realizing that I would likely make a lousy grade regardless of what I wrote, I decided to use humor. I made a big joke out of marketing plastic grass. The professor thought it brilliant. Gave me an "A". 

            For a moment, I considered dropping out of college and becoming a stand-up comic. I decided against it because I'm afraid of hecklers. My only comeback would be to apologize to the heckler and make fun of the people in the audience who actually laughed at what I said. -- "Hey, the drunk guy is right! What made the rest of you yokels laugh at such a stupid story?" -- Whoa, that just might work.

            Engineering is another popular major. Most engineers I know are chemical engineers. Petroleum mostly. None of them are good at explaining what it is they do. I've actually given them hints. -- "Okay, so you're going to work tomorrow. Say you got out of your car.  Where is it you go. and what the Sam Hill do you do when you get there?"

            Most of them are consultants, who must hate what they do. That's absolutely ridiculous. If someone thought enough of me to pay for my advice, I'd be proud as punch to talk about it. -- "Oh, I flew to Dubai last week, to demonstrate how not to repair a refrigerator's ice dispenser." That's pretty much my specialty. -- How not to do things.

            Another popular major is philosophy. Apparently, there is great interest among today's youth in matters of logic and critical thinking. Either that or philosophy majors don't have to take a foreign language. That's just a guess. Any college major that doesn't require you to take a foreign language is a magnet for many students.

            If I went back to college, I'd probably major in small engine repair.  Something I could actually use. Or medicine. I wish I were a doctor so I wouldn't have to go to the doctor so much. "Kay, would you make an appointment for me to see myself sometime next week. My back's been bothering me. It's probably sciatica. Yes, Thursday at 10:15 is fine."

           

            That's just silly talk. While I was once enamored by campus life, today it holds no interest for me. You see, I'm retired. And unlike many retirees, I did not retire just so I could find more things to keep myself busy. I might've made a lousy grade in my one Philosophy class, but I can still recognize flawed logic when I see it.

            Let's face it, if I were still teaching, there's no way I'd give up a Saturday to go to Laporte's Main Street Trade Day to keep Jill company. Yes, I love my sister and I have nothing but respect for the pleasant people of Laporte, Texas. But, sheesh. Saturday's were really special back in the day. Know what I mean?

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